Category: Let's talk
I wasn't sure where to post this, but i guess this will do heheehe! Anyway, i was sort of hoping you guys would be able to help me to figure out what to do in this situation.
i have sort of a life long best friend, she was one of the first people to come into my life, friendwise. Anyway, she and I have been friends since I was about 11 years old. We've been through all kinds of times together, thick and thin, and all that... We've fought, disagreed, united, and anything you can possibly think of, we've probably been through it!
About a year and a half ago, she moved to live with her boy friend/fiance/I dont even know what he is anymore maybe husband for all I know. Yeah, goes to show you how little i know about her now.
So soon after she left to live with him, we began to grow distant. now it seems I dont know a lot about her or what she's like, and anything i do know is that we have disagreements, and our interests greatly differ!
Well I'm sure most of the zone population probably knows about my last relationship, and what I had to go through. And if you dont, it's probably better that way! Lol!
well she didn't agree, because she knew that me being with this person would not be good for me at all! Well, because of the fact that she didn't agree with my decision to go and live with this guy, she got mad and stopped talking to me, and I haven't talked to her since. Needless to say that I was going through a hundred family problems and other things all at once. She didn't really bother telling me how she felt, she just kind of distanced herself from me, but suposedly she was my best friend, and yet she didn't care what I was going through, she only cared about the fact that she didn't like who I was with.
A month later I left him, again, this was probably published on your daily zone news! Whatever story you heard, or didn't hear, well, she never bothered calling me or trying to find me to know if I was ok, even though she knew how bad this was going to hurt me! Instead, she changed her number, didn't bother trying to find me or explain anything, and obviously I had to change mine, for other reasons I wont go into here.
Anyway, well now she wants to come back into my life! I do miss her in a way, but I'm still hurt! That was a very hard time, probably one of the hardest times of my life, and all of my "true" friends were there for me, except her! My life long best friend, and I am hurt! I want some kind of explanation as to why she wasn't there in the first place, and possibly then I might be able to forgive her, because no matter what, I've always been there for her, even though I didn't always agree with her decisions.
But on the other hand, we dont have anything in common anymore. We disagree on so many things and I'm not sure if we could get along now.
What should I do?
hmmm, Kind of had this happen myself but different circumstances. I chose to let the person back into my life, but on a need to know type of thing. when you trust someone and they break it, that's a tough one to forgive and forget. She should have respected your choice, hell we all make wrong ones, and that's when your friends should be there to help. I guess you have to figure out how much you want her to know, and if you can trust her. Just my opinions.
I'd say watch to see what she'll do. Don't just let her back in all the way, friendship is a 2 way street. But friendship is also one of the best things one can have. See if she's willing to meet you half way.
I don't really know your story, but that's just general advice I'd give most people.
Be the bigger person. and like Nehemiah said, let her back in slow. Life's too short not to forgive human error or lack of consideration.
I'm with all on here. It may be as well also, to clear the air when you can Ashley. Have a talk to her when you can, and if she's willing. That way you can clear things up, tell her how you feel, she gets to put her side of the story thereby giving you answers you need. Whichever way it goes, best of luck to you over this. It's like Jesse says, life's too short as it is without this kind of thing to deal with.
hugs,
Simon
Your friend did one of the most feminine things a girl could do in any relationship, that's let a guy come between you guys.
That wasn't fair to you at all, and that goes to show you how much of a friend she really was. Sometimes, it's so unbelievable that a friend will leave us over something so trivial in the worst situation.
You should let her back in slowly like the rest say. That way, there may be a chance of saving the relationship. Just remember that diamonds start out as coal. But just have the door ajar, don't open it all the way.
Yeah, I've hated some of the guys my best friends have dated, but (1), I stopped telling them a long time ago how much I hated their boyfriends and how they weren't good for them, blah, blah, blah, because they wouldn't listen, and (2), when things did eventually end, they figured things out for themselves.
As for the situation at hand, let her back in slowly, as the others have said. A guy almost came between a friend of mine and I that I've been friends with since second grade, but we decided to not let that happen. People change over time. If she is still mad at you about with that guy, maybe she wasn't meant to be your friend, anyway. Just my opinion.
sorry, but i don't agree with the other posts, and i'll tell you why. if you and this girl have been friends since childhood, and she just moves away, then through both you being busy with your lives you lose contact, or have less of it, then i'd say yeah, let her slowly back in, and make her proove to you that she does want to be your best friend again. however, to me, it seems like she just deserted you when you needed your best friend the most, without any good explanation at all. while i myself haven't liked some of my friends partners, for whatever reason, wich i worked on, because it was my problem, not my friends, i never just up and deserted my friends while they were with the people i didn't like, for whatever reason, simply because the person made my friend happy, and that to me is the most important thing. if your someones best friend, your always there for them, no matter what, and you let them make their own mistakes, just like they should let you make yours. it's how we all learn in life. friends, (specially best friends), should always be there for each other, no matter what.
yeah, it's hard to see your friend make a mistake, specially if you kno it may happen, but that's why you support them the best you can, if or when it all falls apart. "you kno who your true friends are, when you need them the most", and your true friends are the ones who do call you, or see you on line and ask if your okay, specially after breaking up with someone, because let's face it, you want your friends around you when your hurting, and if your best friend isn't their, that hurts mor knowing that she just deserted you in your time of need. it also hurts even more, when you've been there for her when she's needed you, because you didn't give up on her, and just leave her life. so what i'm saying is, that in the end it's completely up to you, if you do or don't let her back in to your life, just do it in your own time and don't share anything your not comfortable sharing with her, just because she asks, and, don't forget how you felt when she wasn't there for you when you needed her the most.